100 Do's and Don'ts in Web Design -End

COMPABILITY

Do supply alt's for your images
Quite a few people disable the automatic load of pictures in their browser.
Don't blame them, some images take a lifetime to load.
By defining an alternative text with the attribute alt in the tag <IMG> you can take care of imageless browsers.

Do use alt text for areas
Use the alt attribute to supply text for areas in an image map, thus providing an alternative for browsers that don't support images.

Do use NOFRAMES
Not all browsers support frames. Define an alternative with the tag <NOFRAMES>

Do use comments for JavaScript
If you use JavaScript, be sure to place the source between comments in such a way that browsers that don't support JavaScript won't show any garbage.

Don't be selective with browsers
You believe I'd change my browser just to visit your site? Wake up!
Saying Best viewed with my favorite browser only has the effect that you drive off people with other browsers. Test your site with the favorites. It should be readable with all the important browsers.

Do test Java applets with all browsers
Java is great, I really love it. But as soon as a page starts with Applet loading, I got this feeling it all ends up wrong. There are indeed far too many untested applets wrecking browsers and making sure a visitor will never come back again.
Do check your Java applets with all popular browsers before using them.

Do test with fewer screen colors
256 colors still are popular and even 16 colors are used.
Test your site with these color settings. Admitted, with 16 colors everything looks ugly. But be sure everything remains readable.


Do test with lowres
Test your pages with low resolution. If you don't use 640*480 yourself, just make your browser-window smaller to get the same effect.

Do validate
Validate your pages. This is the best way to find errors that won't show up in some browsers but might be the cause of trouble in other browsers.

Don't rely on plugins
You can create astonishing effects with plugins like Flash and Shockwave.
But don't rely on them.
Many websurfers don't bother to install plugins. They won't be able to see the great effects you implemented. So offer an alternative or even better: check for plugins.

Do check for browser version
If you want to use non-standard techniques (Netscape or Explorer- specific tags) do check the browser version on the client. And do provide an alternative for non compatible browsers.

Do warn for important cookies
Some pages rely on cookies. And some people disable cookies in their browsers.
In many circumstances you just can't skip cookies. If so - supply a warning. Thus giving the visitor an opportunity to enable cookies.

Do offer alternative views
You want to use the newest emerging technologies? Then consider supplying an alternative view for those that don't use the latest browsers.

GENERAL

Do close popup screens
Remove your litter.
If you want to use popup screens, be sure to close them when the visitor leaves.

Do stop sounds
If you wanna use sounds, be sure to stop them when the visitor leaves.

Don't try to mislead search engines
Trying to mislead search engines by repeating keywords will turn against you. Search engines recognize many of these attempts and will react on it by giving your site a lower ranking. Or by not placing it at all.

Don't try to misleadingly attract visitors
By adding keywords that are specific to adult sites (like 'XXX') you might get some traffic. But those visitors will leave quickly – unless you do have an adult site, ofcourse.

Do register your site
Register your site at searchengines and directories. This is still the most important way to attract traffic.

Do read the stats
Use the statistics of your site. It's a good opportunity to check for errors like the dreaded 404's. But statistics are also invaluable for marketing purposes. What are popular pages? Which countries do your visitors come from?

Don't count hits
Hits are meaningless. A page with 5 images produces 6 hits. And visited 3 times it produces 18 hits. If you want a counter on your page, be sure to count the sessions: real visitors.

Do put contact info on your pages
Give your visitors a way to get in touch with you. Their feedback is invaluable. Supply a e-mail address or a reply-form.

Do beware of robots
Search engines use robots that scan all your directories. Be sure to provide a robots.txt file to make clear which directories and files should not be indexed.

A concluding don't
Don't take my word for it
Don't take my - or any other persons - word for it.
There's no such thing as a constitution of webdesign.
You might benefit by considering these do's and don'ts. But actually they're a personal view. And you just might disagree.
But do give these 100 do's and don'ts a serious thought.
They might fit more often than you think

Source : http://www.spiderpro.com/pr/prstgm001.html

100 Do's and Don'ts in Web Design Part 4

PRESENTING TEXT

Don't use blink
The tag <blink> should never have been introduced to HTML.
Blinking text is irritating, it offends your readers. Don't use it.

Don't use columns for text
You can show your text in 2 or more columns. This can be implemented with tables or with the not official tag <multicol>
The result is newspaper-column like page.
But columns have a large drawback on a screen. It takes more up-and-down scrolling to read the text, especially if it's a large page.
Avoid using columns this way.

Don't use small serif letters
Serif letters are developed for printing. They don't look good on a computer screen. At least not in smaller fonts.
You should avoid these letters, especially if the serif is tiny, like Times.

Don't use all capitals
DO NOT USE ALL CAPITALS.
It takes more time to read text that consists of only capitals.
Besides, using all capitals is the online equivalent of shouting.

Don't overuse bold text
Bold text is meant to give some focus to a part of your text. Don't put whole paragraphs in bold. It has the same effect as shouting.
Keep focus - and bold text - short and functional.

Don't overuse italics
Text in italic is hard to read on a screen. The resolution of a screen just isn't capable to present italics without distorting them slightly.
This is even more noticeable if you use a small font.
So don't use italics for larger portions of your text.

Don't use small fonts
Don't use small fonts (font size smaller than 4). Small letters are hard to read and that's even worse on a computer screen.

Don't use too many fonts
Using all kinds of fonts on one page - or in one site - is a very bad typographical practice.
Unless you run an online font-archive.

Do use punctuation
Present information surveyable.
Present it in small chunks. Use headings to separate them. Use lists to avoid long textual summing ups.

Don't hide your links
The default color settings of links is pretty standard.
You can change link colors. But if you do you'll have to be sure that links can be recognized.
Don't let those fancy colors hide your links.

Do use all lowercase or all uppercase links
Many browsers discriminate between differences in case. Even if your server doesn't, don't rely on it. If you'll need to move to another server you will be happy if all your links still function. The easiest way to accomplish this is to use links consequently all lowercase or all uppercase.

Do separate adjacent textual links
If you place textual links horizontally be sure to separate them clearly. With spaces, a vertical line, bracket, whatever.
The point is that it must be clear to a visitor where a link starts and where it ends.

Do limit the size of predefined text
Predefined text (between the tags <pre> and </pre>) cannot be wrapped. If you use it be sure to limit the size, especially the width.
Otherwise your visitors might need to scroll horizontally to read the text.

Do limit the width of text
Reading full width text on a full screen browser is quite terrible. The lines of text get too long; giving you a headache reading them. Limit the width of text-lines using tables, blockquotes etc.

Do use textual dates
Probably you do use dates. For instance to show the most recent update of your site.
But it's a world wide web.
Do keep in mind that 02-03-2000 will be the second of March or the third of February, depending on the country your visitor comes from.
If you use text for your month, like March 2, 2000 the date will be correctly interpreted.

Do provide a visual e-mail address
The mailto: trick is great. Start the e-mail-application right from the webpage. But it only works if your visitor uses an integrated e-mail application. For all the others provide a readable e-mail-address.

IMAGES AND COLORS

Do use transparency
The presentation of images often improves by giving the images a transparent backgroundcolor. They'll better integrate visually with the background.

Do use interlacing
Interlace larger GIF-images. The visitor will get a quick feedback while the image is still loading. For very small images - like bullets - interlacing makes no sense but in all other cases it does.

Don't use too many images
Too many images slows down your site. Don't chase your visitors away; limit the number of images.

Do make your graphics reproducible
If you create your own graphics make them reproducible.
You might need another one of the same kind, so be sure to write down all the effects and the parameters you've used to create the graphics.

Do break up images
If you use large images you can break them up in several parts.
You can combine the parts in the webpage to form the original image.
Doing so the image-parts can be downloaded parallel, thus reducing download time.

Don't use PNG (yet)
PNG is a great format for graphics and will eventually replace GIF.
But right now many browsers are in use that don't support PNG.
For the time being stick to GIF and JPEG.

Do combine background-images and background-colors
Even if you do use a background-image, still provide a background-color. The background-color should approximately be the main color of the image.
If text has a color that contrasts with the background-image, it will still be readable before the background-image is loaded.

Do use a browser safe palette
Use a browser safe palette for your colors.
This will prevent colors from dithering on older monitors.

Don't use too many colors
You have access to 16 million colors. Be selective - don't try to use them all. Too many colors distract form what you're trying to say.

Don't override only one standard color
If you override a standard color, be sure to override them all.
Your visitor has her own color settings. If you change i.e. only the fontcolor to darkblue, text might become unreadable on a dark background. So be sure also to change the backgroundcolor.

Source : http://www.spiderpro.com/pr/prstgm001.html

100 Do's and Don'ts in Web Design Part 3

DESIGN

Do use a consistent look and feel
Your site should stand out as a whole. Use the same look and feel for all the pages at your site. This way your visitors have a sense of recognition when they visit various pages. Using stylesheets makes it much easier to maintain the look and feel of numerous pages.

Do use recurring visual elements
Repeat visual elements (images, colors, fonts etc.) on several pages. This will add to a consistent look and feel.

Don't use dark backgrounds
Dark backgrounds tend to make text less readable. So avoid dark colors or dark backgroundimages. If you do need them, use a nonserif font for the text (like Arial, Universe, Helvetica) and be sure to not to use a small fontsize.

Don't cram your pages
A page with text pushed aside against the border of a table - or an image - looks awful. Don't cram your pages, use colspan and borderspan for tables and vspan and hspan for applets and images.

Don't push your table out of the screen
Tables are very flexible. They're able to get almost anything more or less visible on a screen. But by putting large elements in a table cell you might force the cells to become too large. Thus making horizontal scrolling necessary.
So limit the number and size of pictures, long words (e.g. long links), predefined text etc.

Don't overuse frames
Use only a limited number of frames. Always check if the screen doesn't get crammed if a low resolution screen is used.

Do vertical align the content of table cells
You do you use table cells to get your info on the right position?
Then be sure to align the content vertically.

Don't mix horizontal aligning
Mixing centered text and text that's left aligned makes a mess of your page.
If you want to center text do it consistently.
Exceptions are centering text of headers or centered text placed in a border.

BANDWITH

Do use few colors in your GIF's
Minimize the number of colors in your GIF images.
GIF's can be stored with a maximum of 256 colors. Minimizing the number of colors to 16, 8 or even 2 dramatically reduces the size of the GIF-file and therefore improves performance.
Choose as few colors as possible without ruining the image. You might test both reducing colors with error correction or by selecting the nearest color.

Do use high compression in JPEG
Improve the performance of your site by reducing the size of your JPEG-images.
JPEG can be saved with different compression-percentages. A high compression results in a smaller file size but also in a less perfect image. Test several compressions for each image you want to use. For different images the acceptable compressions will differ.

Do reserve space for images
Generally text arrives more quickly than an image. By reserving space for an image the browser is able to render the text. A visitor can start reading right away. Reserving space is done by defining the attributes vsize and hsize in the tag <IMG>

Do provide thumbnails for large images
In some cases you do need large pictures that take a while to load.
I.e. if you're running a website on modern art.
In such a case do provide small copies of the original images (thumbnails) that link to the original ones.

Do reuse images
Once images are loaded they are stored in cache.
If you use the same image in several webpages the image will be loaded the second time in a breeze. It is necessary to have the image in the same location. Also be sure to use exactly the same filename. Even if a browser can handle differences in uppercase and lowercase, your browsercache can not.

Don't reference images from other sites
If you use images from another site (i.e. an image archive ) do copy them to your own site. Looking up other servers to get the images would introduce overhead and an extended load-time.

Do provide size information
If you use large images, videos etc., give an indication of the size before the actual transfer begins.

Don't use large textual images
Avoid creating images of large pieces of text. It gives you more possibilities but it costs valuable bandwidth. If you do need textual images be sure to reduce the number of
colors.

Don't use wordprocessors
Don't use wordprocessors to write HTML. They really mess it up.
It's not uncommon for a site to double or triple in size because tags are added unnecessarily by a wordprocessor.


Source : http://www.spiderpro.com/pr/prstgm001.html

100 Do's and Don'ts in Web Design Part 2

NAVIGATION

Do use explicit addressing
Navigation should be clear. Links like Back, Next, Previous, or clickable images of arrows, do point in an unclear direction.
What is 'Back'. The page your visitor came from? The preceding page in your own website?
Make navigation clear by supplying links like Chapter 12. The history of beekeeping.

Do check your links
OK, it's a cliché. But anyone who surfs the web will agree. Check your links frequently.
Don't just check them to avoid 404 errors. You might find that an external link still works but that the content behind it has changed.

Don't change links
Figure out a good addressing scheme and stick to it.
People will create links to your site. Be sure not to break these links.

Do always supply textual links
Supply textual links. Using only clickable images or image maps makes your site unusable for anybody that disables images.

Do supply a link to home
In the rare case people get lost in your site, a link to home comes in handy.
Supply such a link on each page

Do use navigational aids at the top and the bottom
Supply navigational aids at the top and the bottom of your page. If you do, people probably won't need to scroll to navigate.

Do use a table of contents
Do use a table of contents, preferably as a menu. Without it your visitors will get lost.

Do create a “what's new” page
Returning visitors are interested in the latest additions on your site.
Create a What's new page to supply that info.


Do use short routes
Supply short routes to information. Avoid too many menus and submenus, instead use larger menus with more items.
People will appreciate it getting to the desired info quickly.

Do keep menu items related
Menu items should be related, don't mix them randomly.
Try to share comparable items in one menu. You can use a larger menu for more itemgroups if you separate these groups in a clear way.

Don't link to irrelevant pages
Use only hyperlinks within the context of your page. People will feel lost if you try to use too many links.

Don't repeat links too often
You shouldn't repeat links in the text. I.e. you have a page about beekeeping and want to link it to to a page that describes different kinds of honey. Then don't link every occurrence of the word honey.
The only exception are links in a menu. You can repeat menulinks, i.e. on the top and on the bottom of your page.

Don't use ambivalent navigation
Navigation must be clear. Unless you run some kind of experimental site be sure to avoid experimental buttons that make visitors have to guess what they mean.

Don't create dead end pages
A dead end page is a page that is linked to by other pages but itself has no links.
A visitor gets trapped in a dead end page and needs his backbutton to get away.
Don't use dead end pages.

Don't make prisoners
You can imprison your visitors. I.e. by redirecting them to a page without taskbars and icons. But your prisoner will escape eventually and never return.

Don't frame other sites
You can load pages from other sites within a frame of your own site.
Don't!
It might ruin the look and feel of the framed site. And it gives the wrong idea that the framed site is a part of your own site.
Load all pages in a full page.


Source : http://www.spiderpro.com/pr/prstgm001.html

100 Do's and Don'ts in Web Design Part 1

CONTENT

Do know your audience
It's important to know your audience.
If you write for a site that sells toys you'll use other words, colors, images etc. compared to a site for online banking. Write and design with your visitors in mind. Don't get tempted to write for yourself.

Do write about the subject
Write about the subject.
Saying: This page is about breeding goldfish talks about the page.
Instead, start right away with the subject. Breeding goldfish is a popular hobby....

Do use short sentences
Use short sentences.
The World Wide Web is fast. Your visitors want to get your info in a snap. So read and reread your text. Then cut out as many unnecessary words as possible.

Do use correct spelling
OK, this one will turn against me....
Use correct English or whatever language your site is written in. As a standard routine use a spelling checker but don't rely completely on it. Human proof reading is necessary.
This can be difficult - especially if you're not native speaking English like your Dutch speaking author of this eBook

Don't use meaningless words
Do you have a cool site with hot subjects?
Or a hot site with cool subjects?
On some hype-sensitive sites these kind of words might be useful but on most sites you'd better refrain from meaningless words.

Don't use jargon
Avoid jargon.
That goes for Internet jargon but also for jargon for any other subject.
Only if your site is focused on a selective group of specialists jargon might make sense.

Don't write technical
Don't write technical. Your visitors don't care how you created your site and that you prefer Perl over TCL/TK (or the other way around).
Instead write about your subject.

Do use the first screen
Be sure to put important text on the first part of your page, the part that will show up first on a screen.

Do present the issues right away
Your visitor wants to know immediately what she can find on your site. Keep that in mind when designing your site. Present the important issue(s) of your site on the first page

Do use a descriptive title
The text for the tag <title> should be descriptive.</title>
The title shows up in the results of search engines. A descriptive title makes clear what people can expect on your site.
The title is also shown in the history list of browsers.

Do use small pages
The World Wide Web is not a book. People don't read it sequentially. They want to select a small piece of info and decide what info they want to read next.
So you should provide small pages. Cut long pages in pieces and connect them through hyperlinks.

Don't split topics
Try to write one topic at one page.
If your page gets too large, try to rewrite the text in two minor topics. Avoid using pages that force people to read sequential. In that situation the links only interrupt the process of reading.

Do use implicit text for your links
Phrases like Click here or Check this link distract from the content and are to be avoided.
Try to write your text in such a way that a link is a natural part of the sentence.
Instead of SpiderPro is perfect reading on a rainy afternoon Click here to visit it
try to write something like
On a rainy afternoon SpiderPro is perfect reading

Do comment on your links
Add value to your links by annotating them.
You visited the linked site otherwise you wouldn't publish the link in the first place. Right? Share your knowledge and add a description.

Do update your pages
Be sure to check your pages on a regular base and to update them if necessary.

Do show date of update
You update your pages on a regular basis. Don't you?
Make clear to your visitors how recent or (out-)dated your information is. Provide the date of the last update. And don't forget to change the date if you change a page...

Do ask for feedback
You can learn from your visitors.
Ask for their feedback and give them an e-mail address to reach you.

Don't show any page under construction
Don't publish a page that's under construction.
People will hate you if you do.
If the page isn't finished, it's not ready to be published.
In a sense most pages are always under construction because they are updated (more or less) frequently.

Source : http://www.spiderpro.com/pr/prstgm001.html

Joomla Terms and Concepts

Before you can understand how to operate Joomla!, allow me to explain the basic principles that underlie the Joomla! Content Management System. Content Management System (CMS) contains the terms content and management (administration) that imprecisely refer only to a system that administers content. Such a system could be a board and a piece of chalk (menu or school chalkboard), or it could be something like Wikipedia (the free online encyclopedia at http://www.wikipedia.org), or an online auction house such as eBay (http://www.ebay.com/). In all these cases, content is administered; at times even for a large number of participants as in the case of the last two examples. These participants play a major role with the CMS, on one hand as the administrators, and on the other hand as users.

In general, the term content management is used in connection with web pages that can be maintained by a browser. This doesn't necessarily make the definition any easier. Apart from CMSs there are Enterprise Resource Planning Systems (ERP, administration of corporate data), Customer Relationship Management Systems (CRM, care of customer contacts), Document Management Systems (DMS, administration of documents), Human Resource Management Systems (HRM, administration of staffing), and many others. An operating system such as Windows or Linux also administers content.

Joomla! belongs to the category of Web Content Management Systems (WCMS), since it exclusively administers content on a web server. It is difficult to define the term CMS because of its encompassing nature and variety of functions. Lately ECMS has established itself as the nickname for Enterprise Content Management Systems. The other systems listed above are subsets of ECMS. Since these terms are still relatively new in the enterprise world, these systems will surely be developed even further. In principle, however, there will always be an integration system that tries to interconnect all these systems.

A Quick Glance into History
While Sun Microsystems maintained in the nineties that "the Network is the computer", Microsoft was not going to rest until a Windows computer sat on every desk. The computer that Microsoft was concerned with was a mixture of data files and binary executable files. Files with executable binary contents are called programs and were bought and installed by customers to manipulate data. Microsoft Office was the winner in most of the offices around the world. The computer that Sun was working with was a cheap, dumb terminal with a screen, a keyboard, a mouse, and access to the Internet. The programs and data were not stored on this computer, but somewhere on the net.

The mine philosophy governed Microsoft's practices whereas the our philosophy was adopted by Sun. The motivation for these philosophies was not for pure humanitarian reasons, but for economic interest. Primarily, Microsoft sold software for PCs to the consumer market; Sun, on the other hand, sold server hardware and programs to the enterprise market.

The Internet, invented in the sixties, spread like an explosion in the mid-nineties. Among other things, HyperText Markup Language (HTML)—the language used to write web pages—and the development of web servers and web clients (browsers) helped its expansion. The Internet itself was a set of rules that could be understood by different devices and was developed so skillfully that it covered the entire planet in almost no time.

An individual without an e-mail address could no longer be reached and a company without a website was not only old-fashioned, but didn't exist in the eyes of many customers. The whole world swarmed to the Internet within a short time to become a part of it. Movies like The Matrix (http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/) became huge hits and 1984 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1984), a book by George Orwell, was forgotten.

New net citizens came from the mine world on one hand and from the our world on the other hand. Those who were used to buying programs bought HTML editors and created Internet pages with them. The others preferred to write their own HTML code with any text editor they had on hand. And the web agency, where one could order a homepage, was born.

Both groups faced the problem that HTML pages were static. To change the contents of the page, it first had to be modified on a PC and then copied to the server. This was not only awkward and expensive, but also made web presences like eBay or Amazon (http://amazon.com/) impossible. Both groups found more or less good solutions for this problem. The mine faction developed fast binary programs with which one could produce HTML pages and load them via automated procedures onto the server. Interactive elements such as visitor counters, among others, were built into such pages.

The our faction discovered Java applets, and with them, the capability of writing a program that resided centrally on a server, which was operated via a browser. Entire business ideas were based on this solution—like online booking and flight reservation concepts. Both groups tried to develop market share in different ways.

The result was quite a stable market for both, in which passionate battles over the correct
operating system (Windows, Linux, or Mac OS X) constantly drove the version numbers higher and higher. Customers got used to the fact that the whole thing wasn't that easy.

There is always a third option in these situations. As in our case, it was the emergence of
open-source scripting languages like PHP (http://www.php.net/). Rasmus Lerdorf had the goal of offering interactive elements on his homepage, and with that a new programming language was born. From the outset, PHP was optimized in a perfect cooperation with the MySQL database, which also worked on the GNU/GPL platform (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/gpl.html).

Fortunately, on the server there was a Linux operating system and an Apache web server that offered the necessary infrastructure. Display medium at the client side was the browser, which was certainly available. Soon LAMP (Linux, Apache, MySQL, and PHP) became synonymous with database-supported, interactive presence on the Internet.
The most diverse systems like forums, communities, online shops, voting pages, and similar things that made it possible to organize contents with the help of a browser were developed in an enthusiastic creative rush.

After 'difficult' things such as Linux and Apache, 'soft' products were developed. The nineties were nearing their end; the Internet share bubble burst and suddenly the trend was to build unmitigated classical business models with unmitigated classical methods.
Whenever the economy isn't doing well, costs are scrutinized and the possibility of lowering costs is contemplated. There are now, as there were earlier, numerous possibilities. PHP applications always had distribution numbers in the millions. Only the phpBB (http://www.phpbb.com/) and phpMyAdmin (http://www.phpmyadmin.net) projects are mentioned here as examples.

One was developed into the quasi-standard for forum software, the other one into the standard for manipulating MySQL databases via web interfaces. The source code of the PHP language and that of applications were improved because they had an enormous number of users and developers.

The more open a project was, the more successful it became. Individual gurus were able to save enterprises immense costs in the shortest time. Static HTML pages were considered old and expensive and were overhauled. They had to be dynamic! Developers have been working in this environment for a few years now. Linux, Apache, MySQL, and PHP are readily accepted in industry. The search for professionally usable PHP applications had begun.

With this search, one looks for:

• A simple installation process
• Easy serviceability of the source code
• Security of the source code
• User-friendliness
• Easy expandability

The special advantage of PHP applications is the independence from hardware and operating system. LAMP also exists as WAMP (Windows, Apache, MySQL, and PHP) for Windows, MAMP (Mac, Apache, MySQL, and PHP) for Apple, and for numerous other platforms. And now finally Joomla! comes into the fray.

Source : Building Website with Joomla by Hagen Graf ( PACKT Publishing)

What's in Office 2003?

Microsoft Office includes the most popular applications, including Word and Excel, in one package. Microsoft, the program work well together, and though you may not have all the products of, you just need information between products. Microsoft offers several versions of Office Professional Edition and Enterprise Edition office. Collection Program, often referred to as the office suite of programs. You can use many of the programs of the individual, the construction of a set of products, but the package offers the best offer. If you think that the use of two or more Office products in the future, even if you can only have the time, considers itself one of the office suite is now to save money. There are also all the products on hand, so you can quickly when it is completed.

Here is a brief overview of the major office programs in Office 2003:

• Word 2003 word processing program, which allows notes, notes, letters, documents, school, business documents, books, newsletters and web pages.
• Excel 2003 spreadsheet program with electronics, you can use charts and tables, as well as other digital data. When you enter your data, to analyze the projections, which will take many, in the case scenarios, and to publish the tables on the Internet.
• PowerPoint 2003 presentation with graphics that you create for seminars, presentations, schools, churches, Web-pages, and business meetings. You can not just PowerPoint presentations, as a rule, but it may also indicate a presentation.
• Access 2003 is a database program, you can use these data. Regardless of what type or amount of data for access to analyze, classify, summarize and report data. Web pages, which you can find the most recent data from the database access.
• FrontPage 2003 Web page design and layout program, the creation of Web-pages. FrontPage has changed over several generations in one of the most popular Web-design program. In FrontPage, you can not only design and create web pages, but you can create, build and manage Web sites and attention to the content. While the Web page with many other Office products, Microsoft FrontPage, which from the ground up for the best solution for your web page creation and editing needs.
• Publisher 2003 is an editing program that allows the striking of all cases in all shapes and sizes. Editors, you can newsletters, flyers, brochures, business cards and more. Your computer drafting!
• Outlook 2003 is a personal information manager (PIM), sometimes as a contact manager organizes your contact addresses, phone numbers and other information in the form of address book. Using Outlook for appointments, meetings, planning lists, notes, store, manage their Internet e-mail to all, and keep a diary of their activities.

Depending on the version of Office 2003 that you buy, you can, but not all of these products. For example, FrontPage 2003 version of Office 2003. When you shop for Office 2003 Suite to find the content of each version, make sure that you get all the tools you need now and in the future. For example, if you are absolutely sure that create and edit Web pages, it appears that Office FrontPage. If you have any doubts, FrontPage is a series without him. Fortunately, FrontPage, you can decide for themselves the question of the need for it later.

All common functions of the Office and menus. Figure 1.1 shows the screen in Word, for example, in Figure 1.2 shows the display in Excel. The two-screen menu. As you can see, these two program interfaces look nearly identical, although the effectiveness of these programs are quite different tasks. Once the menu with the Office product, another program of the menu is very easy to learn. The data for each program in a format different from the nature of these programs, but the standard interfaces.

Figure 1.1. The Word interface behaves like that of Excel

Figure 1.2. The Excel interface behaves similar to that of Word.

In addition to working with the familiar interface of Office 2003 products, you can use the data you create a program to another program in the Office Suite. If you have an Excel spreadsheet with financial, such as tables in a document Word, that is on board and integrate them into a table in a PowerPoint presentation to shareholders. After the training program management, you will be comfortable with each other, as well as a common interface.

Modul hanya tampil pada frontpage

Tutorial membuat modul hanya tampil pada frontpage joomla (saya menggunakan
module Feature Product punya Virtuemart).
Disini saya akan mencoba dua cara yang sudah saya praktekan.

Cara Pertama

1. buat module position baru Site–> Template Manager –> Module Positions (tapi posisi yang baru di buat namanya jangan yang sama dengan yang di pake di template) contoh namanya "new"
2. terus set Module yang mau di tampilkan di frontpage contoh module featured product bawaan dari VirtueMart ke posisi "new". Caranya pilih Module –> Site Module terus klik module Featured Product kemudian ubah Position –> new
3. terus ketik dibawah teks pada content yang ditampilkan di frontpage.
   

Cara Kedua

1. buat module position baru Site–> Template Manager –> Module Positions (tapi posisi yang baru di buat namanya jangan yang sama dengan yang di pake di template) contoh namanya "new"
2. terus set Module yang mau di tampilkan di frontpage contoh module featured product bawaan dari VirtueMart ke posisi "new". Caranya pilih Module –> Site Module terus klik module Featured Product kemudian ubah Position –> new
3. terus ketik kode di bawah ini pada template
   
   
   tepat di bawah kode
   

Bagi saya pribadi lebih mudah menggunakan cara kedua karena pengaturan tampilan modulenya lebih mudah daripada menggunakan cara pertama.
Semoga membantu.

Berani bayar mahal

Di jaman khalifah Umar bin Khattab RA, kota Madinah pernah dilanda musim paceklik. Datanglah kafilah dari negeri Syam dengan 1000 onta membawa bahan makanan untuk dijual kepada sahabat Ustman bin Affan RA. Dibelilah barang itu olehnya.

Menyusul setelah itu banyak pedagang yang berminat mau membeli barang tersebut dari beliau untuk dijual kembali dengan harga tinggi dan mendapat keuntungan yang besar.

"Berapa kau berani bayar barangku," tanya beliau.

"Kubayar dengan keuntungan lima kali lipat," jawab mereka.

"Oh, saya masih rugi."

"Aku berani kasih keuntungan kepadamu sepuluh kali lipat," jawab yang lain.

"Masih rugi."

"Tak ada pedagang lain yang berani kasih keuntungan lebih dari itu," kata orang itu.

"Ada," jawab beliau.

"Siapa?."

"Allah."

Lalu beliau Ustman bin Affan RA menukil surat Al-Baqaroh ayat 261 bahwa mereka yang menafkahkan harta di jalan Allah akan dibalasnya oleh-Nya dengan 700 kali lipat.

"Adakah di antara kalian berani memberi keuntungan lebih dari itu?," tanya beliau.

Tentu semua pedagang hanya tercengang mendengar jawaban beliau RA. Mereka tak berani menawarnya.

"Saksikan kalian para pedagang, semua barang ini kami sedekahkan kepada fakir miskin, sebab Dia-lah (Allah) yang berani membayar mahal."

[Disarikan dari Salam Canda 2, RM. Yunani, cetakan I, 1996, penerbit H.I. Press]

Ilmu bukan di buku

Bertahun-tahun lamanya pemuda yang kemudian dikenal sebagai Imam Ghozali itu, menuntut ilmu di Naishabur. Ketika pulang ke negeri asalnya di Thus bersama rombongan kafilah, di tengah perjalanan mereka dicegat perampok. Semua barang dirampas habis, termasuk barang bawaan Imam Ghozali.

"Kalian boleh mengambil seluruh barang-barangku, kecuali yang satu ini," katanya.

Perampok yang semakin penasaran itu malah merebut kembali barang itu. Betapa kecewanya mereka setelah diketahui bahwa barang yang dianggap- nya bernilai itu cuma buku-buku dan kumpulan catatan.

"Apa ini?."

"Sesuatu yang tak ada gunanya bagi kalian, namun sangat berharga bagiku."

"Jadi apa ini?."

"Ilmuku. Aku memperolehnya setelah bertahun-tahun belajar di Naishabur," katanya.

"Hanya pada lembaran kertas itukah ilmumu?," tanya mereka.

"Ya," jawab Imam Ghozali.

"Ilmu yang disimpan dalam lembaran kertas di bungkusan itu sebenarnya bukanlah ilmumu. Ilmu semacam itu bisa hilang dan dirampok," kata mereka.

Imam Ghozali menjadi tersentak mendengar ucapan perampok itu. Dipikir-pikir benar juga ucapan mereka. Yang benar, tempatnya ilmu bukan di buku, melainkan di dalam hati dan otak. Di tempat itulah ilmu tak mungkin bisa hilang atau dirampok orang.

[Disarikan dari Salam Canda 2, RM. Yunani, hal. 96-97, cetakan I, 1996, penerbit H.I. Press]

Complete CSS for Joomla

/* STANDARD COMPLETE CSS FOR JOOMLA 1.0.X and MAMBO 4.5.X TEMPLATES */
/* By Dinh Viet Hung (C) http://www.joomlart.com: Free templates and Professional Templates Club */

/* DEFAULT SETTINGS */
/* Below are default settings are used when no other style has been defined.*/
body {}/*Style for the body tag of your website, controls font family page background, etc.*/
p {} /*formatting all
(division) items. This is a catch-all that only applies when no other style has been defined.*/
td {} /*formatting all items. This default setting is used when no other style has been defined.*/
tr {} /*formatting all
items. This default setting is used when no other style has been defined.*/
ul {} /*formatting all UL (unordered list) items. This default setting is used when no other style has been defined.*/
a:link {} /* general links style*/
a:visited {}
a:hover {}
hr {} /* horizontal line in your template*/
hr.separator {}

/* FORMS SETTINGS */
.button {}
.inputbox {}
.search {} /*formatting the
which holds search items: inputbox, search button…*/

/* NAVIGATION/MENU SETTINGS */

a.mainlevel{} /* this styling is for the MAIN items in the menu */
a.mainlevel:link {}
a.mainlevel:visited {}
a.mainlevel:hover {}

#active_menu {} /* this styling is for the menu item when it is active, even in main/sub position*/

ul#mainlevel-nav {}
ul#mainlevel-nav li{}
#mainlevel-nav a:link {}
#mainlevel-nav a:visited{}
#mainlevel-nav a:hover {}

a.sublevel{} /* this styling is for menu items that HAS A PARENT */
a.sublevel:link {}
a.sublevel:visited {}
a.sublevel:hover {}

.pagenavbar {} /*Sets the style for the footer navigation (”<<>>”)
when they do not appear as hyperlinks (when only a few articles exist).*/

.pagenavbar:link {} /*Style for the footer navigation (”<<>>”) when
they become hyper links*/
.pagenavbar:visited {}

.pagenav {} /* as the name implies, this is for formatting texts for those
“<<>>” links */
a.pagenav:visited {}
a.pagenav:hover {}

a.readon:link {} /*Style for the “Read More” link that is displayed for large content items*/
a.readon:hover {}
a.readon:visited {}

.back_button {} /*Style for the “BACK” button*/
.pagenav_prev {} /*Style for the PRE button*/
.pagenav_next {} /*Style for the NEXT button*/

.latestnews ul {} /*Style for latest news list - by default, latest news is user1 module*/
.latestnews li {}

.mostread ul{} /*Style for most popular list - by default, most popular is user2 module*/
.mostread li{}

/* CONTENT PAGE SETTINGS */
a.category:link {}
a.category:hover {}
a.category:visited {}

.blogsection {} /* Formatting the links in Blog section */
.blog_more {} /*The “More” text in blog section*/
a.blogsection:link {} /* set the link format */
a.blogsection:visited {} /* same as above, but to set the visited link format */
a.blogsection:hover {} /* same as above, but for links with mouse pointer over it */

.componentheading {}/* Title of the component being used to display the content.*/
.contentheading {} /* Title of the content, article, etc. being displayed.*/
.contentpane {} /* Table that holds all non-article information (components, category lists, contact forms, etc).*/
.contentpaneopen {} /* Table that holds the actual text for an article.*/
.contentpagetitle {} /*Title of articles*/

a.contentpagetitle:hover {} /*Title of articles when appeare as links */
a.contentpagetitle:link {}
a.contentpagetitle:visited {}

.contentdescription {} /* Formating the “DESCRIPTION” of sections, categories (News/Weblinks/Latest news…) */
table.contenttoc {} /* Formating the table of the Tables of Contents for multiple pages content or article */
table.contenttoc td {} /* same as above, used to format the td and able cells */
table.contenttoc th {} /* same as above, used to format the th of “Tables of Content” ( normally Article Index)*/
table.contenttoc td.toclink {} /* same as above, used to format toc link texts*/
a.toclink:link {} /* same as above, used to format toc link text status*/
a.toclink:visited {}
a.toclink:hover {}

/* JOOMLA - MAMBO SECTIONS LISTINGS */
.sectiontableheader {} /* This is for styling the section table headers on a SECTION’s page. Example: table header of “Date”, “Item Title”, “Author” and “Hits”? */
.sectiontableentry1 {}
.sectiontableentry2 {}

/* JOOMLA - MAMBO MODULES FORMATTING */
table.moduletable {} /* Formatting the module table */
table.moduletable th {} /* Formatting the module header, and the module titles */
table.moduletable td {} /* Formatting the table cells of the module table */

/* MISCELLANEOUS */

/* Dates , Authors*/
.createdate {} /* For styling the date the content/articles are created under contents title */
.modifydate {} /* Formating “Last updated on” text at the end of articles/contents */
.small {} /* Formating “Written by:….” text */
.smalldark {}/*Found in poll result page, for ” Number of Voters”.. text */

/* Polls */
.poll {} /* format the td of poll table */
.pollstableborder {} /* set the border properties of the polls voting table */

/* Weblinks */
.weblinks{} /* well.. to format the link’s titles under the “Weblinks” section on the frontend */
a.weblinks:hover {} /* same as above, but for link with mouseover */

/* Newsfeeds */
.newsfeedheading {} /* The newsfeed title. NOTE: This will not affect the newsfeed’s news title! */
.newsfeeddate {} /* yeah.. the date on the newsfeed */
.fase4rdf {} /* this is the body text of the newsfeed */

/* Search page */
table.searchintro {} /* This is for formatting the box with “Search Keyword: test returned 4 matches” box that appears after you have entered a search value.It appears on the mainbody with the search results */

/* JOOMLA - MAMBO TABBED FRONTEND ADMIN INTERFACE */
/* The CSS below efines how the frontend admin interface when logged in */

.ontab {}/* For styling of the “Tab” buttons when editing contents through the frontend as admin.
This .ontab is the styling for the tab when it is active or after its “clicked” */
.offtab {} /* Same as above, used for styling of the “Tab” buttons when editing contents through the frontend.
This the styling for the tab when it is NOT active or when it is NOT “clicked” */
.tabpadding {} /* this style is used set the size of the tab in the above */
.tabheading {} /* Not too sure what this is used for. Couldn’t find anything related to it yet at the moment */
.pagetext {} /* this style is used to style the content of the editing form contents (where HTMLArea sits and all its forms + contents) in the frontend Administration interface */

Pengenalan Joomla

Joomla! adalah Sistem Manajemen Konten (SMK atau CMS) yang bebas dan terbuka (free opensource) ditulis menggunakan PHP dan basisdata MySQL untuk keperluan di internet maupun intranet. Joomla pertamakali dirilis dengan versi 1.0.0. Fitur-fitur Joomla! diantaranya adalah sistem caching untuk peningkatan performansi, RSS, blogs, poling, dll. Joomla! menggunakan lisensi GPL.

Asal kata Joomla sendiri berasal dari kata Swahili yang mengandung arti "kebersamaan".

Prinsip Dasar Joomla

Secara garis besar dan gamblang, Joomla! terdiri dari 3 elemen dasar, yaitu server web (webserver), skrip PHP dan basisdata MySQL. Server web diasumsikan terhubung dengan Internet/Intranet yang berfungsi sebagai penyedia layanan situs. Skrip PHP terdiri dari kode program dalam bahasa PHP dan basisdata merupakan tempat penyimpanan konten. Joomla menggunakan Apache sebagai server web dan MySQL untuk basisdatanya.

Pertamakali, pengguna meminta akses terhadap halaman Joomla dengan mengeksekusi URL pada browser web yang kemudian terhubung dengan server web. Permintaan ini yang dalam istilah teknis lebih dikenal dengan query string selain terdapat URL juga mengandung parameter konten (section, category, ID article dan lain-lain). Berdasarkan parameter tersebut, sistem skrip Joomla melakukan kontak dengan basisdata dan mengambil konten yang dimaksud berdasarkan parameternya. Terakhir, konten dan templat (template) digabung bersama dan kembali sebagai halaman html, gambar, css dan javascript.

Paket Joomla! terdiri dari beberapa bagian yang terpisah dan termodul yang sangat fleksibel, dapat dengan mudah dikembangkan dan diintegrasikan. Sebagai contoh "plugins" WikiBot yang memperbolehkan penulis di Joomla menggunakan "Wikitags" pada bagian artikel yang fungsinya secara otomatis membuat pranala dinamis ke artikel Wikipedia pada saat ditampilkan. Ada lebih tersedia 1,700 "plugins" yang secara resmi didelegasikan oleh OpenSourceMatters tersedia di http://extensions.joomla.org/ dan saat ini secara resmi dipindahkan ke http://joomlacode.org dengan dukungan server yang lebih lengkap.

Riwayat Joomla

Pada tanggal 17 September 2005, diluncurkan Joomla versi awal yaitu 1.0.0 yang merupakan versi alias dari Mambo 4.5.2.3 yang dikembangkan oleh "Pengembang Inti Mambo hingga Agustus 2005" yang hengkang dari Mambo.

Pemimpin Tim saat itu Andrew Eddie yang dikenal dengan sebutan "MasterChief" menulis surat terbuka di komunitas dan diumumkan di forum mamboserver.com. Tim pengembang kemudian membuat situs OpenSourceMatters untuk mendistrubusikan informasi ke pengguna, pengembang, desainer web dan komunitas lain pada umumnya.

Perkembangan Joomla berawal dari Joomla 1.0.0 sampai dengan tahap yang luar biasa yaitu Joomla 1.0.15. Namun seiring dengan perkembangan versi Joomla 1.0.x ini, sekitar tahun 2007 telah dimulai pengembangan Joomla 1.5.x yang memiliki beberapa persamaan dan perbedaan yang cukup signifikan. Saat ini Joomla 1.5.x telah mencapai pada tahap Joomla 1.5.8.

Masing-masing punya daya tarik tersendiri, Joomla 1.5.8 menawarkan nuansa baru dan lebih modern termasuk dalam systemya. Sedangkan Joomla 1.0.15 lebih stabil dan terdukung oleh banyak aplikasi dan developer.

Seperti yang disampaikan oleh Pihak Pengembang Inti Joomla, Joomla 1.0.x akan berakhir pada Joomla 1.0.15. Tidak ada support dan pengembangan selanjutnya. Dan mereka akan berkonsentrasi pada Joomla 1.5.x

Namun demikian juga tersiar sedikit kabar, bahwa salah satu pengembang Joomla indonesia yang lebih dikenal dengan Camp26-Team (http://www.camp26.com) akan mempertahankan keberlanjutan dari Joomla 1.0.x ini baik dari sisi perbaikan code maupun dari sisi free open source nya. Salah satu versi pengembangan Joomla 1.0.x oleh Camp26-Team adalah Joomla 1.0.x yang digunakan pada Camp26 Medio Template. (Menggunakan Joomla 1.0.15.1)

Joomla secara terus menerus dikembangkan melalui berbagai aktivitas oleh komunitas yang sangat aktif dan tertarik dengan sistem ini.

Proteksi File

Memproteksi folder dengan password dalam suatu folder dan ingin folder tersebut diproteksi dengan password juga ?
Ini caranya :
1.Klik-kanan pada tempat kosong disamping folder yang akan diproteksi,kemudian pilih CUSOMIZE THIS FOLDER, kemudian pilih CREATE HTML DOCUMENT FOR THIS FOLDER.
2.Kemudian anda akan masuk ke Notepad, Gulung layar sampai melihat script <script language=”JavaScript”> setelah itu tekan [ENTER]
untuk menyisipkan baris setelah string. Sekarang masukkan perintah ini :
var pass = prompt(”Enter the password”) [tekan ENTER]
if(pass != “PASSWORD KAMU”)[ Tekan ENTER]
{window.location=”C:”} [Tekan ENTER] Catatan:Tulis Password Anda
3.Simpan dokumen anda
4.Refresh atau tekan F5 Explorer
5.Selesai dan lihat hasilnya

"NDESO"

oleh : Ika S. Creech *)

Deso (baca ndeso) itulah sebutan untuk orang yang norak, kampungan, udik, shock culture, Countrified dan sejenisnya. Ketika mengalami atau merasakan sesuatu yang baru dan sangat mengagumkan, maka ia merasa takjub dan sangat senang, sehingga ingin terus menikmati dan tidak ingin lepas, kalau perlu yang lebih dari itu. Kemudian ia menganggap hanya dia atau hanya segelintir orang yang baru merasakan dan mengalaminya. Maka ia mulai atraktif, memamerkan dan sekaligus mengajak orang lain untuk turut merasakan dan menikmatinya, dengan harapan orang yang diajak juga sama terkagum-kagum sama seperti dia..

Lebih dari itu ia berharap agar orang lain juga mendukung terhadap langkah-langkah untuk menikmatinya terus-menerus. Hal ini biasa, seperti saya juga sering mengalami hal demikian, tetapi kita terus berupaya untuk terus belajar dari sejarah, pengalaman orang lain, serta belajar bagaimana caranya tidak jadi orang norak, kampungan alias ndeso.

Semua kampus di Jepang penuh dengan sepeda, tak terkecuali dekan atau bahkan Rektorpun ada yang naik sepeda datang ke kampus. Sementara si Pemilik perusahaan Honda tinggal di sebuah apartemen yang sederhana. Ketika beberapa pengusaha ingin memberi pinjaman kepada pemerintah Indonesia mereka menjemput pejabat Indonesia di Narita. Dari Tokyo naik kendaraan umum, sementara yang akan dijemput, pejabat Indonesia naik mobil dinas Kedutaan yaitu mercy.

Ketika saya di Australia berkesempatan melihat sebuah acara ceremoni dari jarak yang sangat dekat, dihadiri oleh pejabat setingkat menteri, saya tertarik mengamati pada mobil yang mereka pakai Merk Holden baru yang paling murah untuk ukuran Australia. Yang menarik, para pengawalnya tidak terlihat karena tidak berbeda penampilannya dengan tamu-tamu, kalau tidak jeli mengamati kita tidak tahu mana pengawalnya.

Di Sidney saya berkenalan dengan seorang pelayan restoran Thailand. Dia seorang warga negara Malaysia keturunan cina, sudah selesai S3, sekarang lagi mengikuti program Post Doc, Dia anak seorang pengusaha yang kaya raya. Tidak mau menggunakan fasilitas orang tuanya malah jadi pelayan. Dia juga sebenarnya dapat beasiswa dari perguruan tingginya.

Satu bulan saya di jepang tidak melihat orang pakai hp communicator, mungkin kelemahan saya
mengamati. Dan setelah saya baca Koran ternyata konsumen terbesar hp communicator adalah Indonesia.

Sempat berkenalan juga dengan seorang yang berada di stasiun kereta di Jepang, ternyata dia anak seorang pejabat tinggi Negara, juga naik kereta. Yang tak kalah serunya saya juga jadi pengamat berbagai jenis sepatu yang di pakai masyarakat jepang ternyata tak bermerek, wah ini yang ndeso siapa yaa?

Sulit membedakan tingkat ekonomi seseorang baik di jepang atau di Australia, baik dari penampilannya, bajunya, kendaraannya, atau rumahnya. Kita baru bisa menebak kekayaan seseorang kalau sudah tahu pekerjaan dan jabatanya di perusahaan. Jangan-jangan kalau orang jepang diajak ke Pondok Indah bisa Pingsan melihat rumah segitu gede dan mewahnya. Rata-rata rumah disana memiliki tinggi plafon yang bisa dijambak dengan tangan hanya dengan melompat. Sehingga duduknyapun banyak yang lesehan.

Sampai akhir hayatnya Rasulullah tidak membuat istana Negara dan Benteng Pertahanan (khandaq hanyalah strategi sesaat, untuk perang ahzab saja), padahal Rasulullah sudah sangat mengenal kemawahan istana raja-raja Negara sekelilingnya, karena Beliau punya pengalaman berdagang. Ternyata Beliau tidak menjadi silau terus ikut-ikutan latah ingin seperti orang-orang. Lalu dimana aktivitas kenegaraan dilakukan? Mengingat beliau sebagai kepala Negara. Jawabannya ya di masjid.

Beliau punya banyak jalan yang legal untuk bisa membangun istana. Di Mekkah nikah dengan janda kaya, di madinah jadi kepala Negara, punya hak prerogative dalam mengatur harta rampasan perang dan ada jatah dari Allah untuk dipergunakan sekehendak beliau, belum hadiah dari raja-raja. Tetapi mengapa beliau sering kelaparan, ganjal perut dengan batu, puasa sunnah niatnya siang hari, shalat sambil duduk menahan perih perut dan seterusnya.

Ketika Indonesia sedang terpuruk, Hutang lagi numpuk, rakyat banyak yang mulai ngamuk, Negara sedang kere, banyak yang antri beras, minyak tanah, minyak goreng dll. Maka harga diri kita tidak bisa diangkat dengan medali emas turnamen olah raga, sewa pemain asing, banyak ceremonial yang gonta-ganti baju seragam, baju dinas, merek mobil, proyek mercusuar, dll, dsb, dst

Bangsa ini akan naik harga dirinya kalo utang sudah lunas, kelaparan tidak ada lagi, tidak ada pengamen dan pengemis, tidak ada lagi WTS (di Malaysia "Wanita Tak Senonoh") , angka kriminal rendah, korupsi berkurang, punya posisi tawar terhadap kekuatan global. Maka orang Deso (alias norak) tidak mampu mengatasi krisis karena tidak bisa menjadikan krisis sebagai paradigma dalam menyusun APBD dan APBN. Nah karena yang menyusun orang-orang norak maka asumsi dan paradigma yang dipakai adalah Negara normal atau bahkan mengikut Negara maju. Bayangkan ada daerah yang menganggarkan Sepak Bola 17 Milyar sementara anggaran kesranya 100 juta, wiiieh!

Akhirnya penyakit norak ini menjadi wabah yang sangat mengerikan dari atas sampai bawah :
- Orang bisa antri Raskin sambil pegang hp
- Pelajar bisa nunggak SPP sambil merokok
- Orang tua lupa siapkan SPP, karena terpakai untk beli tv dan kulkas
- Orang bule mabuk krn kelebihan uang, Orang kampung mabuk beli minuman patungan
- Pengemis bisa pake walkman sambil goyang kepala
- Para Pengungsi bisa berjoged dalam tendanya
- Orang beli Gelar akademis di ruko-ruko tanpa kuliah
- Ijazah S3 luar negeri bisa di beli sebuah rumah petakan gang sempit di cibubur
- Kelihatannya orang sibuk ternyata masih sering keluar masuk Mc Donald
- Kelihatannnya orang penting, ternyata sangat tahu detail dunia persepakbolaan.
- Kelihatan seperti aktivis tapi habis waktu untuk mencetin hp
- 62 tahun merdeka, lomba-lombanya masih makan kerupuk saja
- Agar rakyat tidak kelaparan maka para pejabatnya dansa dansi di acara tembang kenangan.
- Agar kampanye menang harus berani sewa bokong-bokong bahenol ngebor
- Agar masyarakat cerdas maka sajikan lagu goyang dombret dan wakuncar
- Agar bisa disebut terbuka maka harus bisa buka-bukaan
- Agar kelihatan inklusif maka hrs bisa menggandeng siapa saja, kl perlu jin tomang jg digandeng

Yang lebih mengerikan lagi adalah supaya kita tidak terlihat kere, maka harus bisa tampil keren.
Makin kiamatlah kalo si kere tidak tahu dirinya kere.

*) Penulis adalah Putra Indonesia Asli, kini bertempat tinggal di Paris, Perancis dan bekerja sebagai Pembawa Acara di salah satu stasiun di Perancis.

Sumber : Dari Sebuah Milis